Almost a Triumphant Return

Well…it's been a while since I last posted (more than two weeks). Which is clearly a bit of a problem. As far as excuses, I don't really have any. An overwhelming amount of schoolwork is the closest I can come, but to be honest, I should have had time. I just had a lot to say, which seemed overwhelming, and I badly wanted to have a long amount of uninterrupted time to just write.

I'm on break now (including today, five whole days which don't involve a surgery). So, time.

First off, I have less than a week to go until 6:30 AM on December 26, when I have to be at Gillette Children's Hospital in St. Paul, Minnesota to begin a two-to-four day stay. The procedure starts at 8:00 AM and will last in the two to two-and-a-half hour range. I will be in the recovery room for about an hour. In other words, by noon I should be comfortably in the hospital room. Part of me wants to look at the upcoming stay as a vacation (I mean, it's a bed outside of home, which is clearly the main component of being on vacation) and most of me just says, "Natcher. You're undergoing a relatively serious surgery. This isn't a vacation."

Regardless of whether my upcoming experience is or is not a vacation, I've come to the conclusion that it is legitimately happening (though I still can't really conceptualize the experience as a whole). This is for two reasons. Reason number one is I am now sworn off of Motrin and Aleve, my two preferred pain medicines, in anticipation of anesthesia. The second reason is this:

Note the expiration date (this carton of milk obtained and consumed on Dec. 14, I believe)

My personal system for acknowledging the legitimacy of upcoming dates is that if the day is on or before the expiration dates of the milk cartons at school, it's real. Which is to say, my surgery has been a very real thing for the past week or so. After all, I had the pre-op appointment today and there's a packet of things I should know before surgery sitting on the kitchen table.

Of course, the pre-op was with my pediatrician, not my surgeon. And, of course, the packet of information contains such helpful tidbits as when I can no longer have breast milk or baby formula and not the more helpful bits, such as what pin site cleaning actually feels like and how overly large the sweatpants I'll be in for the next six months will really be and will I actually be able to walk in six months. But still.

This is happening.

There was a time last week where we almost pushed the surgery date back until spring. On Monday (the tenth), I was riding home from school with my father. We hit a patch of ice and started to slide. The car ahead of us was stopping but, because of the ice, we couldn't, and as we were about to hit we turned and the front of my father's car went beneath the bumper of a large green parked truck. We were both thrown forward slightly. I absorbed all the impact (not that much impact, really) through a large bone growth on my right leg which looks like a second kneecap. I still have the bruise.

The front of my father's car looked like this after the incident:

Slightly worse than the truck, which literally got off without a scratch

Now, I normally love snow. And ice (ice makes fun sounds when you crack it). But the honest truth of the matter is, a lot of stuff was going on and what if we got into an accident on the way home from the hospital and how would I get into the house and wouldn't it be easier if we just did this in March or April when there is no snow or ice on the ground…

The honest truth of the matter is that there is great legitimacy in those arguments. However, it took me long enough to become convinced that this surgery makes sense for me to undergo. I'm not going to risk convincing myself out of the procedure. I'm  aware this experience won't be a pleasant one.

I still think it's necessary.